Guarantees

Product Guarantees You Didn’t Know You Needed

100% Torso-Approved:

Every shirt is scientifically proven to be a superior torso cover-up compared to leaves, towels, or questionable life choices.

Laughs Per Wear (LPW) Warranty:

Each shirt comes with an unspoken contract to generate compliments, chuckles, and awkward small talk with strangers. Results may vary based on audience sense of humor.

Durability Clause:

These shirts can survive water spills, spontaneous dance battles, and laundry days that involve “guessing” settings.

Shrinkage Policy:

If you wash your shirt at 2,000 degrees or use it as a cape during high-speed car chases, results may vary. Otherwise, the fit stays as loyal as your dog.

Pre-Washed for Awkward Situations:

These shirts can handle everything—first dates, family reunions, and running into your ex at the grocery store.

Return Guarantee:

If you don't like your shirt, you can return it, no problem. Just let me know. But I might shed a tear and whisper "Why don't they get the joke?"